“The Cause”

In a rare interview with Fox News, French President Jacques Chirac appeared agitated and defensive when confronted about his decision to invade the US, remove the brutal and repressive regime of George W. Bush, liberate the American people and eliminate America's stockpile of illegal weapons.

Chirac insisted his decision was not a mistake, and stated: “I took an oath to defend the citizens of France from terrorism and bring peace, stability and, most importantly, democracy to the American people.

"America is now free and the French people secure in knowing the brutal regime of George W. Bush has been relegated to the dustbin of history," continued Chirac

France, a permanent member of the Security Council, refused to allow weapons inspectors time to complete their work, bypassed a vote at the UN and, in violation of international law, invaded the US in March of 2003.

France, along with coalition forces from Bulgaria and Costa Rica, used massive fire power, termed "le shock et l'awe," to liberate the US within three weeks, thus effectively ending the brutal regime of George W. Bush, the 43rd President of the United States.

George Bush was subsequently captured in December of 2003 and, along with members of his cabinet, "will be brought to justice at a time and place of our choosing ," declared Chirac.

George Bush, Chirac claimed, had links to terrorist groups. He also invaded his neighbors, used lethal chemical weapons against prisoners while governor of Texas, and even tortured, killed and humiliated prisoners at Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo, said Chirac.

France has since given up its search for banned weapons, but still insists that the US has links to terrorist groups, such as Israel's Mossad and the British MI6. Israel and the UK were members of Chirac's "axis of evil."

In tough questioning by Fox News, Chirac became angry and defensive when asked about the American insurgency, which has now lasted almost two years, killed over 1,500 French soldiers and wounded 12,000 others. American casualties have not been recorded, but estimates suggest that over 100,000 American civilians have been killed since France launched Operation American Freedom in March of 2003.

Chirac insisted that the majority of the US was "pacified", and insurgency was limited to the freedom-hating Bush remnants, and “Republican God Fundamentalists” in the Southern "Red States".

The "Red States”, often called the "Dixie Triangle", extend from Virginia to Florida to Texas, and remain fiercely loyal to the regime of George Bush.

"Jesus Akbar" (“Jesus is Great”) is the new rebel yell all along the "Dixie Triangle".

The northern "Blue States", which range from Maine to Minnesota (excluding Ohio), are more secular and hate Bush. They greeted French forces with candy and flowers, stated Chirac.

“The rebel insurgents and Bush loyalists are cowards who can't stand freedom,” said an angry Chirac. “They are rebels who, like in 1860, prefer ’slavery over freedom’. And, just like in 1865, when they too were defeated, these Bush holdovers and freedom-hating evildoers will be defeated by the French liberation forces of 2005.”

The Fox news reporter suggested that the confederacy fought bravely for four years, but were defeated, and surrendered in 1865 to the overwhelming military superiority of the Union army. The French, he said, were the ones who had meekly surrendered and collaborated with the Nazis in 1940.

“Yes, we were overwhelmed by the German invasion forces in 1940, like the British were at Dunkirk. Bypassing the main French defenses in the Maginot Line, German forces drove deep into French territory and Paris soon fell to the German offensive. But French resistance forces, under the brilliant command of General Charles De Gaulle, defeated the Nazis and liberated Paris in 1944," Chirac declared proudly.

According to Chirac, the rebels from the “Red States” surrendered and posed only token resistance as General William Tecumseh Sherman rampaged through the south, sacking Atlanta in his march to the sea.

The "Vichy South", as Chirac termed them, surrendered and has collaborated with the Northern Blue States for the last 140 years.

He also mocked the US, citing its defeat in the Vietnam War.

“Saigon,” chuckled Chirac, “is now called Ho Chi Minh City… or should I say Ho Chi ‘Nike’ city?”

Saigon fell over two years after the US signed the Paris Peace Accord with the North Vietnamese, noted Fox.

“These insurgent terrorists in the Southern States, who resist French-style democracy and support the tyrant Bush, are cowards who can't stand freedom,” shouted an obviously annoyed Jacques Chirac.

The south is expected to boycott the upcoming elections on January 30th. They refuse to end their insurgency and participate in French-inspired elections. In the north, meanwhile, French-installed interim US President, the Reverend Jesse Jackson, is expected to win the formal election and form a coalition government with Massachusetts liberals like Barney Frank and former presidential candidate Michael Dukakis.

Despite French atrocities, the north has been quiet, eager to regain power lost when, as they claim, George W. Bush illegally seized the White House in November, or rather December of 2000.

The southern insurgents hate the French and fear that the north will align with Canada, notably French-speaking Quebec, and relegate the south, loyal to Bush, with minority status.

They view their countrymen from the North as traitors. Anyone in the “Dixie Triangle”, from Virginia to Texas, who collaborates with the French is often attacked by rebels loyal to Bush. Chirac refers to those Americans as “heroes” who love freedom, but the American insurgents along the Dixie Triangle call them traitors and collaborators.

"Mission accomplished," Chirac still insists. “The Cause is just and the will of the French people unshakable to bring democracy to the American people.”

Chirac insisted that democracy is contagious and will blossom throughout North America, once legitimate US elections finally take place under French supervision.

Chirac was asked about his recent decision to end the search for weapons of mass destruction in the US, and the failure of his administration to link the US to terrorist groups in the UK and Israel. Chirac, who was in a hurry to attend his 50 million Euro re-election victory party (see part 6), quipped in his folksy “southern French drawl”, “Frankly, Monsieur, I don't give a damn.”

Back to Index