The siege of major American cities by the government of Jacques Chirac continued today with French forces inflicting heavy casualties on the American insurgents. Mirage fighter jets streaked across the North American sky and the ground shook as French artillery pounded American hideouts along wide stretches of the United States.

Tanks, helicopters and sophisticated weapons inflicted heavy punishment on a hotbed of resistance in Arlington, Virginia. With a crude assortment of rifles, grenade launchers and homemade weapons, American insurgents refused to surrender despite their overwhelming losses and the superiority of French military forces.

Proudly declaring, “These colors don’t run,” Republican God soldiers stood and fought while their counterparts, the Democrats, were too weak, scared or indifferent to fight the French occupation forces.

In an exclusive report an embedded journalist from the French newspaper Le Monde, interviewed an American insurgent entrenched in a church in the besieged city of Arlington, Virginia. For security reasons the American insurgent covered his face with a ski mask and was referred to by the alias “John.” John is a member of the Republican God.

The French journalist began the interview by asking the young Republican: “Why are you Americans resisting the French when you are clearly outgunned and face certain death?”

“Like all men,” John said, “I would like to live a long and happy life, but I’m prepared to die in defense of America.

“Should we surrender and cooperate with the invaders like the Vichy French did in the 1940s? Or should we stand and fight like the free French resisters did under the leadership Charles de Gaulle? The bravery and sacrifice of the free French resistance forces helped the allies defeat the Nazis during World War II.

“Were the French resistance fighters remnants, evildoers, bad guys and terrorists?” John asked rhetorically. “Perhaps to the Germans they were but not to us Americans,” he said. “What would you expect that we do, greet the French as liberators and welcome them with cheers and flowers?”

France invaded America wanting to rid the country of what they called the evil of George W. Bush - the unelected president - who stole the 2000 election. Jacques Chirac claimed America was a threat to France and that U.S. possessed banned weapons.

John noted: “Chirac refers to us as terrorists, remnants, evildoers and bad guys while insisting our President Bush was preparing to attack France. When Chirac finds no proof of banned weapons or an offensive threat to France, he abruptly changes direction pretending he only wanted regime change in America and to restore democracy to the American people.

“All the French have brought us thus far is insults, death, destruction and despair. The truth is this occupation is about establishing a military base for France in North America, providing security for your ally, French Quebec, and to control America’s natural resources.”

John, clearly angry now, continued: “I did not particularly like George Bush. Even though I am a member of the Republican party, I voted for Pat Buchanan in 2000. Perhaps George Bush and his brother did “steal” the 2000 election; I don’t know and right now I don’t care. To us Americans, George Bush is preferable to your president Jacques Chirac and to this French occupation.”

“George Bush made mistakes, invaded countries and was disaster for America, but for better or for worse, he was still an American and our he was our president.”

In the background Radio Free America was playing and Republican God spokesman Rush Limbaugh was exhorting his listeners to resist the invaders.

Limbaugh was ranting about a recent announcement that former U.S. President Bill Clinton and his wife Hillary had sided with the French and are part of a new coalition provisional authority set to take power on June 30th.

Limbaugh shouted with rage, calling Bill and Hillary Clinton the Julius and Ethel Rosenbergs of the 21st Century. Bill Clinton stated his decision to cooperate with the French occupation was based on what is in the best interests of America.

Limbaugh mocked Clinton’s remarks saying it depends on what the meaning of “is” - “is”.

The Clintons are to share power in a coalition government with others including former Republican Vice President J. Danforth Quayle.

Dan Quayle will hold a senior level position in the new administration and give it the appearance of a bilateral government.

Many the Republican God members as well as the Democrats dismissed this appointment, saying that Dan Quayle gives new meaning to the term “puppet” government.

Quayle, currently a “potatoe” farmer in western Idaho, could not be reached for comment.

Suddenly, the interview turned melancholy.

John reflected on the French and a trip he made to Paris several years ago.

“There was a time, not too long ago; I loved France so much that I went there on my Honeymoon. I fondly remember,” he said, “strolling with my wife on the Champ Elysees; the splendor of the Louvre and Versailles; dining in a magnificent restaurant along the Seine that overlooked Notre Dame. I loved the food, the wine, the kindness of the French people. You know, I even dreamed about living in Paris someday.

“But now I am full of hate and contempt for France and your president Jacques Chirac.

“Are we the Untermensch and you the Aryans? What makes our life so cheap and yours so precious? Perhaps it is your money or your might? Do we Americans not eat, drink, sleep and feel pain just like the French?

“Is your history so sanctimonious that you can claim a moral superiority over all the nations of the world? France’s history,” he said, “is replete with brutality and suffering from the reign of Louis XVI, Robespierre, and Napoleon to Vietnam and Algeria and now America.

“What God do you worship in France that is ‘on the side’ of humiliation, death and destruction? How many American deaths will it take to quench your thirst for blood and to satisfy your illusion that we were, are, or will someday be a threat to France?

“You have tortured our prisoners and humiliated them beyond comprehension. You raised the French red, white and blue flag over our statues as a conquering, not as a liberating, force.

“French generals disbanded our security forces and let punks riot in the streets, loot our stores, museums and homes. You killed thousands of American men, women and children under a flag of hubris, hypocrisy, and self righteousness.

“You invented reasons to attack and present yourself - the oppressor - as the victim.

“You have airplanes, tanks, helicopters, missiles and all we have to fight with is rifles, pistols, some crude weapons, our fists, rocks and now our most potent weapon that, ironically, you supplied to us – extreme hate.”

When I mentioned France launched a preventive war, John corrected me that it was more of a presumptive war.

In the background, media insurgent Rush Limbaugh continued and was now interviewing the former Vice President of the United States, Dick Cheney.

Safely ensconced in a bunker in an undisclosed location, Cheney exhorted his Republican God resisters to fight on. When asked if he would leave the bunker and join his forces to defeat the French, Cheney claimed his pacemaker might be picked up by the enemy radar and besides he has other priorities at the moment.

Finally I asked John if he would like to say any last words to the French people.

“Yes,” he said: “Stop behaving like good Germans.”

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