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Nearly halfway through its fifth year, the French mission to bring democracy to the US, free the American people from the tyranny of George W. Bush and rid the world of America’s stockpile of weapons of mass destruction has entered yet another phase, as blame, finger pointing and the “D” word (defeat) have now crept into the dialogue.

You’ll recall that France, the self-described greatest nation on earth, invaded the US back in March of 2003, in what then President Jacques Chirac euphemistically coined Occupation American Freedom (OAF).

But OAF, as some skeptics have argued, was a bit clumsy; it stumbled badly and, even worse, is now seen by many as a fairy tale.

Chirac warned the world back then that the illegitimate regime of the unelected tyrant, George W. Bush, who stole the 2000 election and invaded his neighbors, possessed weapons of mass destruction and was an imminent and mortal threat to the powerful French republic.

Now mired in America, as they were just a few decades ago in Vietnam, the French public, politicians and the media are growing increasingly tired of a war that has gone on longer than it took for the glorious French resistance forces to expel Nazis from France during the 1940s.

With Chirac now retired to his villa on the French Riviera, newly elected President Nicolas Sarkozy is the latest architect of yet another grand strategy, which he proudly describes as “Le Surge.”

Le Surge is expected to bring peace and stability to the region by escalating the violence.

Sarkozy insists Le Surge is necessary to win the war against the extremists who want to take away the freedoms the French people enjoy. “An evil and wicked lot, ‘they’ will stop at nothing to follow us home, even if it means ‘swimming’ across the Atlantic to attack us in our homes, in our schools and in our places of worship,” hypothesized Sarkozy.

“We must fight them on the streets of New Orleans, or we’ll be fighting them on the streets of Orléans,” he warned. “Bring ’em on,” he declared.

“Bring ’em on” indeed.

Since 2003, nearly 4,000 French soldiers and now 1,000 French foreign legion contractors have been killed, another 30,000 wounded, and one half-trillion euros spent as France has paid a terrible price in both blood and treasure to protect its people from those evildoers who prefer slavery to freedom.

“I grieve at the loss of every drop of French blood,” said the bereaved Nicolas Sarkozy, “but such is the price we must pay for liberty.” When questioned about the “give or take” 1,000,000 American deaths caused by the French invasion, he reminded everyone that the French “don’t do body counts.”

“One French death is a tragedy,” said Sarkozy, “a million American deaths is a statistic.”

Back on the streets of Paris, the mood has turned sour. With more and more of the French public sensing another military defeat, like they experienced in Vietnam, support for the war has plummeted.

Parisians saddled with massive personal debt, a declining euro, falling home prices, foreclosures, a lousy health care system, a crumbling infrastructure and the legacy of another Vietnam syndrome looming on the horizon are becoming more and more disgruntled with every passing day.

But a recent rebound in the CAC 40 stock market index, a half-point reduction in interest rates and a slight drop in the price of petrol prices helped lift their spirits and their anxiety, at least for the time being.

Nonetheless, questions are now being asked that should have been asked back in ’02.

Skeptics now contend that perhaps the real reason for the French invasion was not to bring democracy, food and medicine to the beleaguered Americans, or that they gave a hoot about the tyrant Bush; skeptics contend that the French hoped to thwart superpowers such as China and Russia by controlling the vast natural resources of the US. The French hoped to establish the euro as the world’s reserve currency, extend hegemony over the North American continent and provide security for the only real democracy on the North American continent—French Quebec. “A three-billion-euro annual defense aid package is not nearly enough to ensure the safety and security of Quebec,” noted Sarkozy.

Now, politicians—especially in the opposition party—who initially supported France’s mission to free the American people from the clutches of the tyrant Bush and his arsenal of banned weapons, in what appears to be yet another defeat are complaining that they were deceived and misled. “If we only knew then what we know now, we would have been against this war before we were for it,” they lamented.

“Victory has many fathers, and defeat is an orphan,” said one pundit in a rare moment of candor.

Sarkozy, however, was defiant in his resolve to achieve victory.

“We will not surrender to the forces of evil,” he said emphatically. “They are a vicious and sinister enemy who will stop at nothing to kill our children. They hate us because we’re good. They hate the special freedoms the French people enjoy. They want to force their brand of fundamentalist Christianity on us and the world. And they will be brought to justice, or they will have justice brought to them. So help me God,” declared a defiant Sarkozy.

Those who predicted the invasion would be a "soufflé promenade" (cakewalk) are now predicting that if the French were to pull their troops out, America would disintegrate into chaos.

The pundits grimly predict that without the French acting as a referee for these savage, backward Americans, violence will spread throughout the continent, spiraling out of control and destabilizing North America as a whole. The southern states would likely secede, as they did in 1860. Mexico would reclaim the southwest; Canada the northeast. Protestants and Catholics would kill each other, and Christians would likely take revenge against the Jews for, as they allege, crucifying Christ 2,000 years ago.

“These people [Americans] have been fighting for 300 years,” claimed Sarkozy. “They slaughtered the Indians, enslaved blacks, deprived women of the right to vote, discriminated against Jews, Irish and Italians, and interned the Japanese. They delight in ethnic jokes, particularly Polish ones. They tie gay men to fence posts, drag African Americans from the back of pick-up trucks, bomb each other with trucks filled with chemicals and fertilizer, and delight in the execution of minorities, women, the mentally retarded and adolescents. They murder each other by the tens of thousands each year. They have more hand guns than televisions. They shoot up schools from kindergarten to university and go ‘postal’ in the workplace every other week.

When we leave, there will be chaos in America,” Sarkozy predicted.

“Women are oppressed in North America,” he continued. “They must wear bikini burqas while sunbathing, or else be arrested by vice squads. We need to bring the French cultural values and traditions to these backward American people,” said the compassionate conservative Sarkozy. “Vive la France,” he proudly proclaimed.

But the Americans see this as a struggle for their independence from foreign occupation.

As in 1776, the insurgents see themselves as patriots freeing the land from foreign invaders. True, the differences among ethnic and religious groups have been violent over the past 230 years, but for the most part, the Americans had cobbled together a magnificent melting pot of religious and ethnic groups and built what some might call “a great society.” Americans landed a man on the moon and, along with their former ally, France, defeated the tyranny of Adolf Hitler, Tojo and Mussolini.

But history begins only at the time and date of our choosing, proclaimed Sarkozy.

Now that once-great society, the late great United States, lies tattered and broken at the hands of the French invaders. True, many Americans hated the tyrant Bush and his regime of evildoers, but the chaos, death, destruction and depravation caused by the French liberation is so much worse.

The insurgents, once again, likened the struggle to defeating the British. Like the British before them, the French will eventfully leave, said one American insurgent. “They will either march out or be carried out. Give me liberty or give me death. God bless America and President Bush.”

Former President George W. Bush, you’ll recall, was captured by French liberation forces back in December 2003 in a spider hole near his ranch in Crawford, Texas.

Bush, an aviator and war hero, is best remembered for protecting the Texas border from the invading Viet Cong guerillas, who also followed the Americans home by paddling across the Pacific in their Chinese-made sampans, after the “dominos fell” in Southeast Asia, back in the early seventies.

This time, though, Bush engaged the enemy in mortal hand-to-hand combat, resisting the superior forces while shouting, “Remember the Alamo,” at the terrified French soldiers.

But it was more like Custer’s Last Stand for Bush.

After a show trial conducted by the Democrats, under French occupation, Bush was hanged back in December 2006 for crimes against his own people. As governor of Texas, Bush executed 152 of his fellow Texans, using lethal chemical injections, and also wire-tapped, exiled and tortured his own people without due process of law.

The French, however, have brought some useful reforms to North America since the 2003 invasion, most notably, the right for Americans to vote in free and fair elections.

Under French supervision, Americans from coast to coast recently went to the polls and, for the first time in memory, there were no hanging chads, butterfly ballots or rigged Diebold machines.

Americans simply voted by dipping their fingers into purple ink and casting their lot for the candidate of their choice. It was back to basics, one man one vote, and the citizenry saluted the French by holding up a purple “middle finger” in a universal expression of gratitude for their newfound liberation.

But down in Dixie, the hotbed of the insurgency and the cradle of violence, the mood was not so grateful.

Americans from the recently liberated and pacified province of Texas dismissed the elections as farcical and the candidates as French puppets. French forces, whose mission is to pacify the Texas insurgents, know only a single English word—“Redneck”—and routinely knock on (down) doors at around 2:00 a.m., in an effort to win over their hearts and minds.

When interrogated as to why the ungrateful American insurgents attack the French with crude, lethal, homemade weapons, the answer from the insurgents was simple: “You give us the Mirage Jets,” they said, “we’ll give you the IEDs [impoverished explosive device]. You give us the tanks, we’ll give you the car bombs. You leave our land, we’ll leave you alone.”

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